ABSTRACT THOUGHT #22 If you didn’t mean it, then you shouldn’t have said it…

"Relationships can be tricky! It doesn’t matter if they are friendships, love affairs, or work relationships. Sometimes things just flow along like a lazy river, but other times, under pressure, they can get more complicated. Under pressure, our brains sometimes turn off, and we say stupid stuff!

In the heat of the moment, we say many things, not all kind, and not all truthful. They just come out, sometimes, without warning. Through fear, through anger, through misunderstanding, the truth can become a clouded mess. Then what? Well, there are several options.

Option one would be to cover the lie with more lies and double down on the hurtful words. Once the ball begins to roll downhill, the momentum just continues to carry us. In fact, with all of that momentum, it becomes more and more difficult to stop the pattern and reverse course, and the damage it causes grows.

The problem with that is, it gets harder and harder to remember the truth if you’re not telling the truth. It’s also hard to remember who you told what to! It’s a mess that keeps getting messier.

Option two would be to justify it by qualifying the hurtful words as “heat of the moment.”

“I didn’t really mean it…I was just mad.”

That’s wonderful…if it never happens again! Very few of those moments of temporary insanity are one-time incidents though, and predictable patterns develop. If you get into the habit of shading the truth or telling outright lies, it becomes so ingrained that the little lies come out for no apparent reason. You are conditioned to lie, so you do.

Another option would be to dismiss it as a misinterpretation of the words said, and use obfuscation as a tool. Some folks can get quite creative with semantics following misspoken words, blaming the listener for the words heard and not themselves for the words spoken.

“I didn’t really mean that, you heard it wrong,” or: “You’re blowing it all out of proportion,” again, pointing the finger back at the listener.

The best option of all, of course, is to honestly identify the words said and fess up. In the end, the truth usually comes out in most cases, and it’s always best when the truth comes from the person that spoke the words they “didn’t mean.” Once you clear the air, don’t do it again!"

Final thought: Tell the truth. It makes life easier.